The Marvel Cinematic Universe From Least Good to Greatest

It's been some time since I last wrote anything for this blog. That is not new, nor is it interesting to talk about so instead let's talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. With 18 films in its lineup and no end in sight, it's clear that for the moment the MCU is dominating the Superhero market in film. This is largely because almost all of them are good movies, with some claiming that none of them are actually bad (a notion I am on the fence about). Most franchises are lucky if they get any good movies out of a much smaller pool, so this feels almost unprecedented.

I've heard others make a Top 5 list of their favorite MCU movies, and that made me consider what mine was. Ultimately, I've decided to go big and just flat out rank every movie in the MCU, all 18 currently released films, in order from least good to greatest. While one or two might be bad or mediocre, I largely believe that almost all of them are good films so I don't feel justified making it worst to best or something like that. Also, since quality is subjective to some extent my criteria for judging these films is a mixture of how well made and impactful a movie is and also how much I personally enjoyed watching it and my likelihood of re-watching it over others. Since it is Feb. 27, 2018 and I have seen every movie, including Black Panther, up to this point, I cannot rank Infinity War or any other movie released after this date. I may come back to the list or publish an updated list with future films but it's more likely I won't, so that is why such and such movie isn't on here if you're reading in 2020 or some other point after this.

The MCU From Least Good to Greatest

18- Thor the Dark World

A more professional person than myself would have probably, if not gone back and watched every single one of these movies before writing, at least re-watch the ones they hadn't seen in a while. I saw Thor the Dark World once, when it was out in theaters and I have not seen it since. When I claimed that almost none of the MCU films were bad, this was the film I was not sure whether or not to classify as such. On the one hand, I don't like it, I have no desire to watch it again and it is the least of the franchise. On the other hand, I've seen a lot of other movies in general that I would consider worse than this and it ultimately is a harmless film with some good moments involving Loki.

This movie has multiple failures but it's biggest is making Thor a boring and bland character. Thor has succeeded in showcasing charisma in his other films and the Avengers but here I can't recall a single thing he does or line he says beside one from the trailer. In a movie bearing his name, he leaves no impression on me whatsoever, and that is what condemns this movie to the bottom of the list. I also have to note that the human characters are not good in this movie, with Dr. Selvig's insanity played for cheap laughs in a super uncomfortable way, Darcie being even less tolerable than the first movie and Jane having all agency stripped from her character and being a receptacle for an infinity stone. No wonder Natalie Portman decided to walk from the series. Loki is the film's saving grace though, it's almost his movie since he is the one who changes and develops from events, not Thor. Also, I didn't even mention the villain here because I can't remember any part of his performance. I know his goal and motivation and name, but I can't remember anything about what he says or does. Worst of the MCU villains, and that actually is saying something.


17- Iron Man 2

This is the kind of movie you get when you make a surprisingly good movie about a hero no one's heard about and are banking on to start a franchise that will span decades and many, many films, and you get greedy. Instead of one movie per each Avenger before the team up to introduce each one, Iron Man 2 got made and put out one movie after it's first one because audiences fell in love with Tony Stark. The result is a hot mess of a movie that only actually works on any level because of Robert Downy Jr. For better or worse, this man has defined Iron Man and all subsequent adaptations of him, regardless of medium, will be judged against him. In summary, Iron Man is the best part of Iron Man 2 and just about the only part that particularly works on any level.

That is unfair to the other actors, particularly to Don Cheadle who had to take on the role of Rhodey after another person had already tried and worked well enough that he's still in the franchise, and also Gwenyth Paltrow who is always great as Pepper Potts. The biggest problem of Iron Man 2 though is that it's a story trying to juggle too many plates at once. The multiple plot points in the movie are: the government wants Tony's designs and plans for their own use and Tony doesn't want them to have them; Tony's arc reactor is slowly killing him with some kind of radiation poisoning or something like that and he might die soon; SHIELD is hanging around trying to assess whether or not Iron Man/Tony with be a good fit for the Avengers; Mickey Rourke is a Russian scientist with a vendetta against the Stark family and intends to destroy the Stark legacy; Rhodey gets fed up with Tony's attitude and steals a suit of armor from him; Justin Hammer is a rival inventor who gets his hands on both Rhodey's suit and recruits Mickey Rourke to create more; and on and on and on. There's so much going on that it's trying to be a stand alone Iron Man film whilst also setting up the Avengers and it does both poorly. RDJ's charisma is about the only thing that holds the film together and makes it watchable, the majority of the film is just a mess.

Also for the record I have no insider knowledge on how Paramount were approaching this at the time, they may have planned for Iron Man 2 to come out when it did, it just seems too messy for that to be the case, and also I don't see how it's necessary to get to the Avengers since it lifts right out.


16- The Incredible Hulk

I think the thing that damns this movie the most is that Mark Ruffalo has made Banner and the Hulk so interesting with his performance that I can't really take to this movie anymore. Edward Norton is a fine actor but I have no interest in revisiting this interpretation of the characters because, honestly, it's kind of boring. I remember thinking back in 2008 that it was fine and it was certainly better than the previous Hulk movie, but now we've gotten better and this movie is just mediocre. It's still a solid film but I just don't have much to say on it aside from that. Hulk appears a grand total of 3 times for maybe 5 minutes, probably should have used him a little more in retrospect. It's too bad we probably won't get another Hulk movies at this point, with how the MCU's shaped up they could have done something great and brought justice to the character.


15- Iron Man 3

As I tried to make clear earlier, I really like Iron Man as a character. He was and may still be my favorite Avenger, but except for his first movie his standalone films have not been the best. Again, I credit a lot of their success to RDJ, but I digress. Iron Man 3 just seems to lift out of the MCU, since nothing that happens here seems to have impacted anything in the future. Tony's PTSD doesn't come back or even matter much in this film after the half-way point, the arc reactor's removal doesn't seem to have any importance later on, hell Pepper's ordeal doesn't ever come back or get referenced and you'd think being super strong and on fire for a period might change a person in some way. Plus the villain fake out, while pretty great as something to catch you off guard the first time, means that instead of a charismatic and menacing villain we're stuck with Friendzoned McWhiteassnow as the villain and he's so much less interesting. "Man, Tony Stark was a dick to me once so now I'm evil!" Tony has been a dick to everyone he's ever met and most of them moved on from it, not a good motivation. I do like the kid though, thought Tony bonding with a younger person brought out a new side to him that I wish Spider-Man Homecoming had done more.


14- Thor

We've gotten to the point where the list gets really difficult to organize, and while this actually makes me sad to put it so low, Thor probably belongs here. My problem with Thor is that it is half an amazing movie that really draws me in with fantastic visuals and drama and then half is set in New Mexico with a bunch of boring humans. Thor's journey to find humility, while a necessary step in his character, is not helped by the humans not being particularly interesting to watch. Thankfully in this movie, he has charisma and a personality so it's not completely bad when he's around them like in DW, but it's still one of the least interesting parts of the films. I absolutely love everything in Asgard and places that aren't Earth, and of course this was the movie where Loki first got to shine, but there's enough to drag it down in comparison with the rest of the MCU that it lands here for me. Sorry Thor.


13- Ant-Man

I do need to preface this by saying I really do like Ant-Man and Paul Rudd as Scott Lang. It's just, not every film can be the greatest and the premise of Ant-Man just doesn't click with me the same way something like Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Black Panther, Guardians of the Galaxy or many other superhero concepts do. I just feel like it works better in a team setting, Ant-Man on his own isn't bad but it feels limited. Plus, the film is a comedy first and foremost, and it actively takes away from the drama and emotional touchstone at some points as a result (though there are films before and after that don't manage to let the comedy come at the expense of drama). I really do think that's why I walked away from Ant-Man feeling that I liked it, but I didn't love it. Of course, the villain doesn't help. It's one of these films from the MCU where the antagonist is a dark reflection of the hero with a similar suit and powers. The films that do this are: Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Captain America: First Avenger, Ant-Man, Doctor Strange and Black Panther. That's not to say that they can't work anymore if done well, but the trend is noticeable and Ant-Man does not do it well, particularly because Yellow Jacket is not Scott's adversary, he's Hank Pym's. The two have no connection to each other on a personal level, so it's just two guys with similar powers fight. Although something that will always amuse me is fight scenes that either take place around huge children's toys and nick-knacks or those objects being grown to a huge size. Kudos for that train fight.


12- Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange is an asshole throughout most of the film. This wouldn't be such a thing if he wasn't an Iron Man styled asshole. They just approach things the same way, I'm not sure how they'll even work together (though we'll find out come May). As for the movie, it's fantastic visuals with a story that's essentially the first Iron Man again. Both this movie and Ant-Man have the problem of being too similar in plot structure to the first Iron Man, in somewhat different way. Does this sound familiar? A brilliant but full of himself man suffers an accident of his own making that sends him on a journey of self-discovery that has him put his talents to use in new ways to help people,  only to be confronted by an antagonist using powers the hero has for their own gain? Yeah there are some differences but Doctor Strange is very similar to Iron Man. I also just don't find the good Doctor to be as charismatic as Iron Man, but his appearance in Thor: Ragnarok is different enough that maybe he'll grow on me in the future. I also love the ending, how he solves the problem of Dormammu is so much more creative the the MCU generally gets with their bad guys.


11- Iron Man

Iron Man is a solid movie that probably would have gone down as one of the best Superhero movies alongside Spider-Man 2, Superman, and the Dark Knight if it hadn't spawned the MCU and several movies that outclass it now. The story of a man who recognizes the harm he has done to the world and sets out to redeem himself is never going to get old for me. As a species, we need this kind of story, we need to know that it's never too late to recognize things we've done have been harmful to others and that we can be better. RDJ knocks it out of the park as Tony Stark and will continue to do so for the next decade. The thing that really drags it down in comparison with the other MCU films that are ranked above it is the villain. Stane is just an uninteresting antagonist, who goes from a businessman to an attempted murderer way too quickly and doesn't have much charisma to speak of. If I were ranking MCU villains, he'd be among Malekith, Kaecilius and Killian as the least interesting bad guys. At least some of them had a visual design that sets them apart. But not to end on a negative note, this is a solid movie, and the start of something amazing.


10- Spider-Man: Homecoming

I regard this actually as the best Spider-Man film ever made. The original trilogy, or at least the first two, are great superhero movies but have become dated and Tobey Maguire just doesn't feel authentic as Spider-Man anymore. Tom Holland, on the other hand, plays both Peter Parker and Spider-Man pitch perfectly. I originally came out of the film feeling lukewarm to it because I had been expecting something really bombastic and amazing, but the film is small-scale concerned not with the fate of a city or the potential deaths of people but with simply a choice to do the right thing at the expense of something that matters to him. It's an everyday sort of courage and heroism that never gets recognized, but is so important. We may never get the chance to stare a genocidal maniac in the eyes and fight him to protect the world, but we may get the chance to confront some small wrong and be asked to sacrifice something to fight it, whether it be safety, time or currency. This is what Spider-Man is about, at least to me it is. The Vulture is also a great antagonist in the MCU, a weapons dealer who only went into that business because Tony Stark and the government put him out of a job. He's sympathetic, but in the wrong which makes him much more interesting that most other villains in the MCU up to this point. It's a testament to the rest of the MCU that this movie falls this low on the list.


9- Captain America: The First Avenger

"I don't want to kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from."- Steve Rogers.

While I love Iron Man as a character for all his one liners and quips and the redemption arc he constantly strives for, Captain America is the heart of the MCU. Steve Rogers is a man who looks for what the right thing is and will never give up on his way to making that happen. If I had to pick a movie that best represented the heart of the MCU, it would be this one. A resolve to do the best one can to make the world a better place. Whether you're a tiny kid from Brooklyn given the chance to join the war against the Nazi's, a former weapon maker trying to find redemption by protecting people instead of arming them, a complicated man trying to save the life of a child the only way you know how, or the king of a nation unsure of how to interact with the rest of world while protecting his people, this movie just exemplifies what everyone should strive for. I love it, this movie sold me on Steve Rogers immediately and I can't really think of any faults.


8- Avengers: Age of Ultron

Well, speaking of faults... This movie has a lot of problems, the biggest one probably being an out of nowhere relationship forming but I don't care much about them because I think the movie works well. The first Avengers was about a disparate group having to unify to protect people and stop an invasion. The second Avengers is about a group having to unify despite the threat coming from within, and the difficulty that brings. Tony and Steve don't like each other in the first movie, but they get over it to help save people, but in this movie they argue because of the different philosophies they have and the actions one has taken. It takes what made the first great and builds on it, which makes it more interesting despite maybe not being executed as well. Also there were probably too many characters in this one to really do justice to them all. Thor kind of lifts up out of the movie and his vision quest kind of goes nowhere outside of this film. Quicksilver doesn't get to make as much of an impression as his sister and unless future movies find a way to bring him back he's never going to get another chance. Vision and Wanda are solid newcomers though and Civil War only made them more interesting though I'll probably get to the later. Ultron really is the star of the show though. It's almost like he stole the charisma from previous villains so that even when his plan boils down to something really simple, he never loses any of his charm or threat. Overall the film is flawed, but despite that does a lot well and I love it.


7- Captain America: The Winter Soldier

A film that starts to challenge Steve's worldview, a them that will continue with every appearance of Captain America, with what the right thing to do actually is. I don't even know what to say about this film, it feels like anything wouldn't do it justice. I suppose instead of listing its virtues, I'll instead approach it from the angle of why it's only seventh on the list. That speaks to the quality of the films higher than it, but I prefer watching all of them more. Winter Soldier is a damn good movie, but it doesn't have the sense of levity that many of the other films have that make watching it a lighter experience. This one gets intense, and I find I'm less often in the mood to watch this amazing movie than some of the others. I feel awful about this post, I went on about TDW but when quality like this comes up I'm left without much to say on it.


6- Guardians of the Galaxy

I am Groot. A film that balances comedy and drama superbly. It's amazing you can start off so heartbrakingly and then mere minutes after be laughing and having a great time, only to swing back and forth as the characters experience emotional ups and downs. I think the best thing about this movie is getting to see a family come together, people who had nothing find meaning and purpose in each other. The weakest part is the antagonist, though at least unlike others on the list he's not a dark reflection of the antagonist and I can actually remember things he says, if nothing else. That this movie is not top 5 on this list, once again, speaks to the quality of the rest of the films. Plus, the soundtrack is really wonderful and memorable, and unique among other MCU films.


5- Thor: Ragnarok

What a turnaround for this franchise! I mean, Thor hadn't really developed or been that good since the Avengers movie, with his last two appearances being first bland and then irrelevant to the plot respectively. Then this movie comes around, and I was blown away by how amazing it is. It's funny, first and foremost, the beginning sets the tone and tells you this isn't going to be like the other Thor movies. Everyone is on point in this movie, newcomers Valkyrie and Hela are fantastic, Mark Ruffalo brings a humanity to the Hulk we've never gotten to see before and Loki shines but not at the expense of anyone else. The real surprise though is that Thor himself actually gets to carry the movie. He has an actual character arc this time, and gets to be funny and shows a lot of personality that the last few movies just didn't for whatever reason. He and Loki together finally feels like they are brothers and have a lot of history, they aren't exactly fighting anymore but the way the film handles their relationship is one of the best parts of the film for me.

The comedy is great, it's a lighthearted film for the most part despite the gravity of the situation (i.e. Thor's sister appearing after Odin's death and taking over Asgard so she can conquer probably every world in existence and will slaughter anyone who gets in her way, as well as being stranded on a distant planet without Mjolnir or any allies who are immediately willing to help him). I have problem with this though, in that like Ant-Man, the comedy sometimes comes at the expense of drama. The first time I saw it, I came out thinking that Thor didn't seem to be taking anything seriously despite the rather dire situation and that caused a kind of dissonance for me. Toward the end of the movie, in particular, the character Korg (played by director Taika Waititi) is responsible for such a moment of comedy crossed with a really melancholy scene. It just doesn't work as well as in, say, Guardians of the Galaxy. Still, it's a great film that works far more often than it doesn't and it's a shame it's taken this long to make Thor an exciting and interesting franchise.


4- Black Panther

Currently still in theaters, Black Panther rode in on a wave of hype for being probably the first big budget Hollywood superhero movie starring a black person. While I don't think it's as good as the hype indicated, it's strong enough to take a place in my top 5 alongside the absolute best that Marvel has done. The strength of this movie is in the world it has created. Wakanda feels alive, like Middle Earth, Hogwarts, and the Four Nations of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and that's chiefly down to the people that inhabit this place. All the name characters are memorable and fleshed out, they feel like real people with conflicting philosophies and thoughts on what should be done and how to accomplish their goals. Some are traditional and others are progressive, some favor isolationism and others imperialism while someone else wants to aid other nations without violence. Some hold strong to what their duty is while others find their duty is more flexible. Trying to describe this without spoiling a really new movie is hard.

If there is a weak spot, and there is, the Black Panther himself is the new Thor. T'Challa comes off as very stoic and unsure of himself which doesn't help him shine when literally every other character he interacts with has a stronger reaction and personality to what happens. He helps them to shine, but he somewhat suffers for this. It is a shame, because his debut in Civil War was strong and I was really excited to see more of him as a character. That said, though it is a similar thing to TDW, the people surrounding the Black Panther absolutely make up for this deficiency. I have to specially mention Micheal B. Jordan as the antagonist Killmonger who brings a nuance and depth to an antagonist that hasn't been seen before, not even in the good ones like Zemo and Ego. You actually find yourself admitting that, despite his goals and actions throughout the movie, Killmonger has a valid point to make and that point shouldn't be disregarded because he took things in the wrong direction.

I have a feeling that Black Panther is going to mean a lot to so many people, in ways that because of my background and experiences won't register with me in the same way, and I really envy people who get to have a special connection with this movie I will never know, but I'm happy for them all the same. There is plenty of room for more movies not just about the Black Panther, but about the people of Wakanda and I hope they make more. Every single one of them could headline their own film.


3- Marvel's The Avengers

For four years this movie not only sat at the top of this particular list for me, it was one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time, up with Jurassic Park which I'm pretty sure I've talked about before. It's odd to say how much it meant to me to see these heroes unite for the first time, particularly since I had no connection to them before the MCU. It's not like I was a lifelong comic fan and seeing them on film for the first time was like making my childhood wish come true, but that's what it felt like to me. This film made me feel like I was a kid seeing my heroes come to life after waiting so long for it to happen. Before this movie, heroes never crossed each other in movies. Batman and Superman weren't together before (and I wish they still weren't), Spider-Man didn't meet the X-men, but after this movie, anything was possible. Not only did these heroes meet, they bounced off each other in engaging ways. People we came to love in their own adventures came together and conflicted and had to learn to work with each other, so that while we wanted to see the conflict, we also really wanted them to get their heads together and form the team we so desperately wanted them to become.

More than any other movie before it, this was an event. James Cameron had two event movies, they earned all the money at the box office too, but this was something different. It wasn't just one movie, it was the culmination of five movies beforehand and a promise of a new world of movies to come. Avengers might not be the most emotionally complex, deep or thoughtful of the MCU, but it did what no other film had before and delivered one of the most satisfying movie experiences of my life and I absolutely love it for that.


2- Captain America: Civil War

This would probably have to be the pinnacle of Captain America movies, in my humble opinion. That theme of trying to do right is severely tested in this movie when it is less of a just find the right path and stick with it no matter how difficult it is, and more I'm not even sure what the right thing is and I just want to protect people thing. This isn't just a bad guy doing bad things movie, it's a philosophical debate on the nature of people with power and whether or not they should be accountable to something or someone. There is no clear cut answer, even though the film does sort of somewhat side with the man it's named after, and that ambiguity makes it hard to watch as these two sides become less and less able to talk these things over and begin to conflict physically, because it's none of their faults and all have valid reasons for choosing their side.

Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. completely own this movie as the leaders of either side, selling us on the conflict of two people who respect each other but disagree on a fundamental level about what should be happening and how that drives them apart. The final fight is especially brutal because you understand both sides motivations and to some degree sympathize with each. Steve is trying to save his friend who was brainwashed into doing terrible things, it wasn't really his fault and he doesn't deserve to die for things he was forced to do. On the flipside, Tony finds out his parents were murdered by this man that's standing in front of him and since he has especially potent family issues this pushes him past the point of being reasonable and he needs to try to kill the man who took his parents from him. It's a heartbreaking fight between two people we've come to love and we wish the fighting would stop, something that's hard to do in superhero movies.

"Sorry Tony. You know I wouldn't do this if I had any other choice, but he's my friend." "So was I."


1- Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

This movie is outstanding. It blends humor and drama together in a way that I don't think I've ever seen before. Unlike some of the others where one comes at the expense of the other, it's perfectly balanced in this film so that I can be laughing one minute and moved to tears in another. Every character is on point, maybe the weakest being Drax who becomes a bit more obnoxious than his last appearance. I love the paths every character takes though, even Drax who sort of adopts newcomer Mantis as a daughter figure and teaching her how to feel as her emotional development has been stunted. Gamora has to come to terms with her feelings for Peter that she keeps fighting because of her intense issues with connecting to other people thanks to being tortured into a weapon by Thanos, and realizes this by reconciling with her sister Nebula who had it even worse than she did. The hug the two sisters share at the end if heartwarming and heartbreaking because of everything they've gone through and what they're still going to have to face.

Rocket has a busy time in this movie as well. While all the Guardians have become caretakers of baby Groot this time around, it's a bit of a role reversal for Rocket since he's used to, essentially, being the younger brother. He's got to be the older brother now and watch out for Groot. He also bonds with Yondu who surprisingly came out as possibly my favorite character in this franchise, as the two realize looking at each other what they've done with their lives and how they've driven or are in the process of driving away everyone they ever cared about. It culminates in the end where Rocket realizes that even how much of a jerk he is, he won't drive those closest to him away forever.

The meat of the story is on Star Lord however, as he is found by his father Ego, the living planet. Peter starts off mistrustful but eventually bonds with his dad over catch, his own nature as a Celestial and music his mom shared with both of them. Peter almost goes along with Ego's plans to consume the universe but a horrifying reveal gives him every motivation to oppose his father, a heartbreaking scene not because of what happens then, but what we've already seen in the first movie and how that is changed. Of course, the thing that stays with me now and possibly my favorite scene of any movie is Yondu saving Peter.

"He may have been your father, boy, but he ain't your daddy. I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right. I'm damn lucky you my boy!"

The theme of the movie that blood doesn't make a family, it's the people you've surrounded yourself with and who mean something to you. Whether it's Gamora and Nebula, sisters driven to conflict over and over by their "adopted" father until finally being able to reconcile once out of his influence, Rocket fearing he'll lose everyone because of his behavior stemming from abandonment issues in the first place, or Peter finding that his ideal father figure had been in front of him all along, these characters make a family in each other and their moment together inside Ego where the camera pans around them is more meaningful to me than even the moment from Avengers. This is one of my favorite films of all time and I can only hope that Vol. 3 as well as the rest of the MCU lives up to this standard.

-Subtle

Ranking the Legend of Zelda Games

I've been listening to the Cain and Rinse podcasts on the Zelda games (and others, link to them at the bottom with a recommendation), and as they discussed the games in depth it made me think about what I like about these games and what I don't, and which ones I think are the best. I've been dormant on the writing front for quite some time, and I got the itch to write about this and just talk about the Legend of Zelda so I figured, just follow the trend and do another list.

Before I do that though, I'll just mention my history with the franchise. I have been playing videogames pretty much all my life, as long as I can remember, and my first exposure to Zelda was, I think, around 7 years old with a demo of Ocarina of Time in Walmart or someplace like it. I just could not figure out what to do in that short amount of time, nothing made sense and so I wrote it off as nothing I'd ever want to play again. I believe a few years after I recieved one of the Oracle games as a Christmas gift and, like a true moron, never opened or played it. Why bother, it was one of those Zelda games and they were awful, I just knew I wasn't going to like it. To this day I still haven't played either of them, though that has been a combination of apathy and just not having any way to play them for a long while.

Around 2003 or so in a Blockbuster (remember those?) I was looking for games to rent and I saw the Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and it wasn't the first time I had seen it. I just knew I wasn't interested in Zelda before then, but I guess a combination of nothing else I wanted being available and some curiosity about what it was convinced me it was worth a rental. I got it, took it home, and I don't really know when it hit me that I was playing an amazing game. I can only remember I very quickly owned it (and the strategy guide because I got stuck at Gohma and had no idea what I was meant to do) and thus my love affair with the series began. I forget what order it was but I played Minish Cap and Twilight Princess after, tried playing Ocarina of Time a few times without getting interested, played the two DS games, Skyward Sword and Link Between Worlds as they came out. I replayed some of them a lot, and barely touched others, but it's only been in recent times that I traveled backward to experience the older titles. I'll probably be showing some bias in this list but that's just an explanation of how I went through this series.

One final note, I will not be ranking or talking about Adventure of Link, the Oracle Games, Four Swords or Triforce Heroes as I have not played them and it would be unfair to judge them. I haven't played them because I don't think I'd particularly like them but still, being fair here. Also, and it probably goes without saying, I'm not discussing the CDI games or the Tingle games or Super Smash Bros or Hyrule Warriors (though I do love SSB and HW) because they aren't main series Zelda games. I will be ranking this list from least to best liked, so things will get more positive as I go, but I will mention things I liked and disliked about each entry. So without further ado, my rankings for the Zelda games.

Spirit Tracks

Synopsis: Link and Zelda's spirit must work together using trains and possession to rescue Zelda's body from a madman seeking to take over Hyrule (or something like that).

I haven't actually played this game since the year it came out and I first got it, but I remember being unimpressed. While I appreciate Nintendo's attempts to mix up the formula, the entire train concept was not executed well, and what started as a novelty ended as a great irritation. Maneuvering the train could be such a chore that what should have been an enjoyable, if involved, experience was made frustrating by enemies and traps on the tracks. I also remember the instrument, some kind of pipe, being almost impossible to perform correctly and the ending's use of it being nigh on impossible for me. On the other hand, I really enjoyed Princess Zelda's active involvement in the game play, as she is your companion during the adventure and provides the usual role of giving information and such. She can also possess phantoms, suits of armor that normally are one hit kill machines, which makes her somewhat playable in this installment. I'm totally ready for a game that lets you take full control of Zelda, she can be a dual protagonist with Link. Anyway, while it's not one of the worst games I've ever played, I can't say I enjoyed Spirit Tracks too much, one of the only Zelda games I had for years and never felt the urge to revisit.

Link's Awakening DX

Synopsis: After a fierce storm shipwrecks him on a mysterious island, Link must drive the evil nightmares out of the the dream of the mighty Wind Fish.

I feel somewhat unfair about placing this one so low because my biggest problem with it is more due to the limitation of the hardware it was on rather than the core game play. in Link's Awakening there are only two buttons for items meaning that you constantly have to switch out your inventory. This gets old quickly. It just felt like such a limitation and annoyance that it drained a lot of the fun I was having leaving me quite apathetic to it as a whole. Aside from that it's just kind of a standard Zelda adventure, which isn't really its fault when it was the fourth one ever made. I do like how the setting and goal is different, and for what it is it's fine. Just nothing I ever want to go back to, which is a shame, because there are many people who love this game and I wish I could feel the same enthusiasm for it.

The Legend of Zelda

Synopsis: Link must reunite the pieces of the Triforce and defeat the evil Ganon to save Princess Zelda.

Similarly to Link's Awakening, this game feels basic. I don't wish to undermine its value to the series and gaming in general, for its time it's an amazing game, full of secrets and adventure. The problem is I came to it after playing many other games, not just Zelda. I have a hard time finding anything else to really say about it, honestly. It's the first Zelda, it set up everything that came after but that does mean it's sort of the vanilla version, basic old vanilla. Good, but not very exciting unless you've never had it or anything like it before. I played it once and I don't see that happening again, but I'd recommend seeking it out just to have the experience.

Phantom Hourglass

Synopsis: With the events of The Wind Waker behind them, Link and Tetra journey out to new lands on her pirate ship only for Tetra to get kidnapped, leaving Link to join with a rogue named Linebeck to save her.

I feel like I might get hate for putting this one above the original LoZ but I think it's a more interesting game. The controls are a bit awkward but they're unique to the DS and I never really had a problem with them, neither moving Link and the ship around or combat. Like Spirit Tracks after it though, it has some big problems. The graphics aren't able to do the Wind Waker aesthetic justice so it looks lackluster, ST had the same problem. The worst part about this game, though, is the Temple of the Ocean King, which is a dungeon that Link has to go back to multiple times and progress a little further and further as the game goes on. ST had a similar mechanic, but it at least improved on it because in this game, you have to go back through the floors over and over again and things get reset between visits. It's not a matter of walking through unlocked doors, you have to do the same thing over and over again. Sure, you get some shortcuts thanks to new gear that lets you bypass some things, but it does little to eliminate the tedium. ST had different section become available over time and didn't require repeating the same area, which worked better but obviously didn't save that game. In particular, there was one puzzle which required drawing the complete Triforce in one stroke, no lifting the stylus, which similarly to the pipe issue in ST left me infuriated as it seemed impossible to actually accomplish. Like the previously listed games, this was another that I never felt any desire to revisit due to the annoyances.

A Link to the Past

Synopsis: When his Uncle rushes to Hyrule Castle forbidding Link to follow him, Link does so anyway and gets tasked with saving seven sages to seal Ganon away and save Zelda.

Once again, this a game I came late to, after playing a Link Between Worlds even, so my opinion was that it was a functional but basic version of games I'd played before. Perhaps if I had played this as a kid I would hold it in higher esteem, but I just can't give it a higher place than this despite codifying the Zelda series as we know it. Mechanically it all works well, and it definitely feels like Zelda, perhaps more so than any of those I've mentioned before. It's just that the things I like about it have been done better in other games, so I'm left feeling just apathetic toward it. It's good, I could see myself playing it again sometime down the line, but it wouldn't be my first choice to replay.

Skyward Sword

Synopsis: Link, a knight in training, is thrust into adventure when his best friend Zelda is whisked away by a tornado and the spirit of the Goddess Swords guides him to his destiny as decreed by the Goddess Hylia.

I might not be forgiven for putting this above Link to the Past, but it's just a more interesting game, if not a better one. The motion controls, while some people apparently had a difficult time with, worked well for me and I had a blast playing it. The 1:1 control for the sword has never made the sword play more intricate and intense. I'm not saying they should have kept it for every subsequent Zelda, but it was quite enjoyable to me. I also really enjoyed some of the dungeons, the two in Faron and two in Lanayru both kept me engaged the whole way through. The story is one of the best in the series as well, with Link and Zelda's relationship coming off as both realistic and incredibly heartwarming, perhaps for the first time feeling like there was a definite connection between them. Groose's character arc was superb and I really enjoyed Impa's role in the story, not to mention one of the greatest villains in the series, Girahim. His battles really push your skill with the sword to the limit, and his personality just captures your attention.

There are quite a few problems with the game though. The overworld is pretty but empty, and while I enjoyed flying the Loftwing it felt limited, you'd think a giant bird could do a little more than just fly around the sky. The Imprisoned wears out its welcome, battling it at least three times is more than enough especially for how annoying it is. It was never really hard but at the same time it wasn't fun or engaging enough for three battles, maybe one toward the begginning of the game and one toward the middle or end. The Mogma Mitts, or whatever they're called in this game, were my least favorite parts because of how slow it was and it ground the pacing to a halt in the underground sections. I should also mention the silent realm sections, which were somewhat annoying but I never felt was too difficult to get through. I don't want to see them return though.

In the end, Skyward Sword has a lot going for it but the execution of several concepts just went in the wrong direction. While I can see why it's got a low opinion from a lot of people, I still like it a fair deal and I've played it through twice now.

The Minish Cap

Synopsis: An evil wizard named Vaati uses a powerful stolen hat to turn Zelda into a statue and take over Hyrule, leaving Link and his hat companion Ezlo to stop him.

Possibly the second Zelda I ever played and the first 2D top down one, I have a lot of fondness for the Minish Cap. I love the way everything looks when shrunken and the opportunities that provides, allowing you to look at the map in a different way from other titles. It plays like Link to the Past in a lot of ways but feels more unique, which is why I place it higher on the list. That said, it's a basic top down 2D Zelda and while it's a lot of fun, it just doesn't offer as much as some of the other titles do in the way of story and characters. Fusing kin stones is also kind of lame, since it seems like an extra step to just find chests in the over world, not to mention the shells to collect figurines is pointless and also frustrating to all the completionists out there. I've played it quite a lot since it's a shorter title but it is lacking in some regards so it's about the middle of my list.

A Link Between Worlds

Synopsis: The sages have been turned into paintings, and it's up to Link to adventure through Hyrule and Lorule to save them and stop the evil Yuga.

This game is better than A Link to the Past. In every way, hands down, no contest. It controls better, the quests and more interesting and the dungeons have been reworked to be more engaging to tackle this time around. Yes, it's practically a remake but they did it right, improving upon everything, which isn't a surprise. There's about two decades separating the two games, if they didn't improve on it by a wide margin it would have been an utter disappointment. I can't think of a single thing that I liked better in LttP, I just have a blast with LBW. To be fair, I guess I can see where fans of the former are coming from, but I just don't have nostalgia for it. Objectively, LBW is a better game. The only reason it's so low down the list is because I just prefer the 3D Zelda's, because to me this is as good as the 2D games get.

Ocarina of Time

Synopsis: A young boy is tasked with meeting the princess of destiny and helping her stop an evil man named Ganondorf, and the adventure will take that boy all over Hyrule and two different times.

I mentioned at the top of the post that I played this when I was around 7 and tried other times to play it. Indeed, I've purchased it at least 3 times now, once a used N64 cartridge, one on the Wii Virtual console and finally on the 3DS. The N64 graphics ultimately turned me off from playing it after I'd played other Zelda's, I just couldn't get into the experience, especially after Wind Waker and Twilight Princess looked so good. I'd pretty much decided I was never going to like this game and just had to accept that one of gaming's landmarks was not for me. Then I heard the 3DS port had updated the graphics, and I rented it (five years after it had been out). It seems silly to say it, but the N64 graphics were truly what I could not get past. Once I got into the 3DS version I finally saw what other people had seen nearly two decades ago.

I don't really know what I could possibly say positively about this game that other people haven't said. If LttP codified the series as a whole, OoT codified the 3D games, paving the way for how Zelda could use the third dimension and shaping some of my favorite games. The reason it is low is because I do lack nostalgia for it and not everything has aged well even with updated graphics. It feels like an early 3D Zelda, not as refined as some of its later titles and lacking a particularly unique identity. It's a great game that even in the short time I've had with it I've played more than once, and I'm glad I finally got to experience it.


Now comes the hard part. I have four titles left and my preference for each of them revolves regularly, each of them are so unique and engaging in different ways that I'm going to cheapen out and place them on the same level. I can't rank them higher or lower than each other, so just in chronological order:

Majora's Mask

Synopsis: The hero of time, a child once more, gets roped into saving the land of Termina from the falling moon by rescuing four guardians in three days, constantly traveling through time to accomplish this goal and reliving the cycle.

I came to Majora's Mask after OoT, with a similar issue with N64 graphics but with the added baggage of the game's reputation of being one of the harder Zelda's. It was quite a surprise when I played it to find such a rich and fascinating world, full of colorful characters and environments but all tinged with fear and sadness. MM is not a light-hearted game, instead full of darkness and creepy elements, but that's part of what I like about it. Everyone's feeling afraid and upset about the moon, but Link gets to go and help them all, give them something to smile about as the end approaches. Sure, it gets reset all the time and you can't possibly help everyone in the same cycle, but to me that doesn't make things meaningless. The masks and items you get kind of represent that, just because it was undone doesn't mean there's not a reason to do it.

I think others have differing opinions from mine but that's just how I see it. Mechanically it is similar to OoT and has some of the same issues, but I just find the story, world and characters so wonderful that I quickly counted it among my favorite Zeldas, and certainly one of the best 3DS games. It's one I know I'm going to revisit over and over, if not in full playthroughs then at least redoing quests in my completed game. It's a challenge, but if you are hesitant about playing it like I was, it's worth at least trying to see if you like it.

The Wind Waker

Synopsis: When his sister is kidnapped by a monstrous bird, Link sets sail to rescue her from the Forsaken Fortress and its master and in the process acquires the ability to harness the wind and save Hyrule.

Like I mentioned at the top, The Wind Waker was the first Zelda I played and enjoyed. I've played it so much over the years that I know it very well, being one of the few I can now play without ever consulting a guide. Yes, it's easier than most of the other games, but it's a milestone for me. In terms of identity, you can't really find one with a stronger one than WW. The art style was so far from the norm of the previous games that it not only inspired the aesthetic of Minish Cap as well as its sequels Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks, but Toon Link even became his own character in Super Smash Brothers. Link has never been so expressive, for the first time it feels like Link isn't just the player's POV but his own person, who had his own life, thoughts and feelings. The stylized look received a lot of criticism at the time of release and even to this day, but it never put me off and it definitely holds up, as the HD remake can attest.

I prefer said remake because of how streamlined it makes the game, with the sail that allows you to go fast without having to change the direction of the wind every couple of minutes as well as the more straightforward Triforce quest, eliminating some of the salvaging. I can't imagine going back to the gamecube version of the game as a result, it was great then but it became better on the Wii U (I even got the Zelda themed Wii U that came with the game).

There are some issues though. The Triforce quest in general, while better on the Wii U is just busy work that replaced a couple of dungeons that didn't have time to be completed. The overworld is a little big for what is in it, a scaled down map would perhaps have been a better design choice, though this is remedied somewhat by the swift sail. The stealth sections at the beginning of the game are also not particularly welcome, since stealth in non-stealth games are rarely done well. They used to cause me a lot of trouble when I was younger, although I can't remember being tripped up by them recently.

I'll briefly mention the characters, which are great. The King of Red Lions is your boat companion, and quite likable. The rito tribe in general is one of my favorite groups of people in a video game, well designed bird people who in general are all really nice and appealing to look at, and Medli in particular is sweet and endearing, especially as you go through a scary dungeon with her. Of course, Tetra is probably the best incarnation of Zelda ever, even surpassing Skyward Sword and Breath of the Wild just by sheer force of personality. She tries to assault Ganondorf for crying out loud! It's a shame that once she's revealed as Princess Zelda all her agency and charisma goes with her until the final battle. This is also perhaps the most complex and compelling incarnation of Ganondorf, who feels sympathetic at times while retaining a high threat level. I really like the huge spirit-like guardians of the world; Valoo, the Deku Tree, Jabun, the Wind Frog gods, the Helmaroc King battle, and so much more. There's so much to like about this game, I highly recommend the Wii U HD remake. I've played it countless times and will most likely play it more.

Twilight Princess

Synopsis: His friends are kidnapped, his world is being covered in Twilight and he can become a wolf. With the help of a new ally, the Hero of Twilight must restore light to the land and stop the machinations of Twilight King Zant.

This was the first Zelda I played that felt like an actual Zelda game. This was my third (or second), but my point being that to me, what Zelda was wasn't necessarily Wind Waker or Minish cap, which are both great games. Minish Cap was a small 2D game and Wind Waker took place on an ocean above what used to be Hyrule. Once I played this, neither of them really felt the same. Twilight Princess is the first Zelda to really feel like it was a Legend of Zelda, at least that I played. It had everything that I thought Zelda was supposed to have. And I still adore it. In my eyes, this is what all other Zelda's get compared to. I think it's better than Ocarina of Time, doing pretty much everything it did but more refined and bigger. It feels like a huge adventure, and while maybe it doesn't have as memorable a cast of characters as some other games, the characters we get to know well really shine.

I own three versions of this game; the Gamecube version, the Wii version and the new Wii U HD remake. Of the three, I've played the Wii version the most. I really enjoyed the waggle controls, it's exactly what you want to do with a wii-mote, even if it's not as sophisticated as Skyward Sword. There was nothing I found annoying about this game, except perhaps the long prologue, and every time I play it I have a grand time. While a unique story and good characters very often help elevate a game, a well constructed control scheme and interesting places to use them in are the core of a game and Twilight Princess cemented how Zelda games of this nature should be done. I'm all for experimentation, but if you're not going to go redesigning the way things work like Breath of the Wild did, then you need to pretty much do this again when it comes to gameplay. I enjoyed every single dungeon, which I'm not sure I can say for any other game in the series, they're just so well designed.

I'm just going to say here, this is the Midna section. Lots of gushing involved. Midna is the best character in the Zelda franchise by far. Most companions don't really go through an arc, and a few are annoying, but Midna was captivating. She starts off very enigmatic but likeable and she grows on you up until the middle of the game where you just straight out adore her. Or, at least I did. She's a great example of how one character can redeem a cast of less interesting characters as long as they're done right. That's not to say that the other characters in this game are bad, they just don't get much time to shine and the focus isn't on them much. But Midna is just so cool, her design is appealing and her voice is pure sugar in my ears. Her twili form is excellent as well, though you only see her like that for a brief time. I could just go on and on about how much I like Midna, but I'd be repeating myself.

The aesthetic of this game hasn't aged quite as well as Wind Waker's did, and some of the characters look downright ugly, especially on the HD remake, but those are few and most look really great, like Midna, Link, Zelda, Ilia, Zant, the sages, etc. The world looks beautiful, but it's muted in a way not even Majora's Mask was, both being dark but in different ways. The enemy designs are also among the best in the series, I'm particularly fond of the Lizalfos in this game. If I had to give a criticism, I guess I'd say that Zelda has been done better as a character, and they could have used some of the items better or cut back on some of them. I'd recommend any version of the game you can get, you could probably find the Wii version somewhere but the Wii U version is probably the easiest to get, it's got some improvements but not enough that the other versions are particularly inferior. It's one I've played many times and of course I will again someday.

Breath of the Wild

Synopsis: 100 years spent healing in a futuristic bath, Link emerges to Hyrule ravaged by Calamity Ganon, only just held back by Zelda. He must find and free the four Divine Beasts of Ganon's control and confront the evil force to save his charge.

The game play of this game is comparable to the aesthetic of Wind Waker, in that it's completely different from anything that came before it. Very little is the same as the previous 3D titles. Link can jump and climb now, he doesn't have his tunic for most of the game, his weapons constantly break and there are no real dungeons! Breath of the Wild actually has more in common with other open world games like Far Cry, Assassin's Creed and such than it does with it's other Zelda titles, but that isn't a bad thing by any means.

The open nature of BotW means that you get to play your way at your own pace. You can literally leave the starting area and go straight to confronting Ganon if you so chose. You'll probably lose, but it's an option. You can just explore if you wish, find towers or shrines, make a beeline for the main quests, do side quests, or whatever you want. It's up to you to decide what you want to pursue at any given time, you can do some things, everything or nothing. A few divine beasts, one, all, none. Some shrines, most shrines, all shrines, no shrines. And so on. The Shrines are mini-dungeons that completing grants you a spirit orb which you trade for increased hearts or stamina, so no heart pieces in this game. You can also find Koroks who give you seeds, and collecting them increases your inventory for weapons, shields, bows and such.

The Divine Beasts are ancient machines that look like giant animals that helped fend off Calamity Ganon 10,000 years ago, but 100 years ago were corrupted and start the game threatening four different peoples; the Zora, Gorons, Rito and Gerudo. You get their help to enter the beasts, which serve as the dungeon like areas for the game, and purge the Ganon blights from within. That puts to rest the spirit of their pilot who take back control to assist you in fighting Ganon.

Honestly, there's so much to talk about with this game and it's so new that all I'm sure about is that I really enjoyed it, but since it's so different from the other titles I just can't make a decision on where it ranks so it's in limbo with the other three at the top of my list. Suffice it to say, I'm very glad I got to play this and at some point I'm going to do a replay. Maybe in a couple of years though, it's a long journey and I'm not quite ready to go on it again. I possibly might come back to write more about this game, it's just too huge to cover here in depth. I highly recommend it, either on Wii U or Switch, whichever you have.



So that's my rankings for the Zelda games. Have an opinion? Share it below in the comments. Thanks to Cane and Rinse for inspiring me to talk about Zelda, even if it was much more shallow than their discussions. Check out their podcasts, both Cane and Rinse (where they discuss a specific game's elements for two hours) and Sound of Play (where they play and discuss pieces of video game music, including an episode dedicated to the Legend of Zelda music). Click here for their website: https://caneandrinse.com/

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.

-Subtle

My Top 10 Favorite Cartoons

I have somewhat complicated feelings for live action television, mainly I like comedies because the focus isn't on story but on jokes which means a show can potentially keep me invested for a long time. Compare that to dramas or action shows where the ongoing story line is the draw and it just has endless potential to lose me, and I just end up not caring about any of it. Honestly, if I was doing a list of all my favorite shows period, it would be all cartoons except the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Friends and Game of Thrones. So I figured I'd just list off my favorite cartoons instead.

Note: I'm not including Anime on this list because I have a hard time deciding how much I even like a lot of anime when comparing them against each other. It would be much more difficult to try to slot any into this list against some of my favorite shows ever. I'm also not including films, as I could more easily compare those to their live action counterparts.

Second Note: Almost none of these are set in stone, they only as of this moment reflect my feelings on the matter and are subject to change in the future as my tastes and perspective develop.

Some Honorable Mentions:

Chowder- really funny cartoon that came around in Cartoon Network's dumb period of CN Real, and it was a bright spot in a dark time. The fourth wall does not exist and it's superbly funny almost all the time.

Futurama- probably the best adult animated cartoon ever, and if I liked that genre a fraction more this would have made the list proper. The Comedy Central seasons in general though brought it down some, some are good but most are average.

Rugrats- nostalgia is the primary reason I'm mentioning this. I've gone back and watched the show as an adult and while the pre-movie episodes hold up pretty well it's not as great as it was. Still, I have a lot of fondness for it regardless.

Robot Chicken- when it works, it really works and I absolutely love it, but there are enough segments I don't particularly like that have landed it down here. Still, it's a great show no matter what Peter Griffin has to say.

Family Guy- speak of the devil. Honestly, this show might have made the list if we were just talking about... let's say up through season 6. Those episodes are gold and I watched them at just the right age for me to love it. Everything after that though... well, I can't feel good about putting it on a list of my favorite shows when it's done things I just really detest. Brian has been awful since season 7 or so and no one else has been that good either, and a few jokes are just vile.

Rick and Morty- I wanted so badly to put this on the list, but there's a whole part of this show that doesn't work. Rick, Morty and Summer are great, I love seeing them do stuff and go on adventures and abuse each other, it's great comedy and drama. But Beth and Jerry just kill half of the show and it just won't stop bringing them back up. Get rid of that stuff, the marriage problems and most of Jerry's pathetic characterization and this would easily make the cut.

I could talk about plenty more but that's not what this list is about so apologies if I didn't mention something you thought I should have. On with the list.

10. Regular Show

Synopsis: two park workers strive to do as little as possible on the job while avoiding being fired, though their laziness and greed inevitably cause the situation to blow up in crazy and unexpected ways.

There's no real explanation for why I like Regular Show so much. It's an 80's referencing weed-inspired show about two of the most frustrating characters ever. I'm a kid born in the early 90's who has never even known people who smoked weed and I hate characters who are lazy assholes. And yet Mordecai and Rigby don't bother me... all the time. I guess it's because when it comes to it, they really will go the distance to get the job done. Also, it never ceases to amuse and amaze how these simple situations can escalate in the most insane ways. The supporting cast is also pretty good, with very few characters actively annoying me. As the show goes on you feel the camaraderie between all of them, and even though they still anger each other you know they're going to be alright. It's really imaginative and funny and you should definitely take a loot at it.

9. Phineas and Ferb

Synopsis: two step-brothers try to make the most of every day by building impossible devices and machines while their older sister tries to rat them out, meanwhile their pet platypus is a secret agent who battles an evil scientist who wants to take over the tri-state area.

In 2007, Disney Channel was... terrible. The sitcoms were bad and there were no really good cartoons on either so, when I first saw Phineas and Ferb my expectations were pretty low. I really adore this show. I'm such a cynical person and these two boys always provide a counterpoint to that, and they're funny, witty and inventive! The things they've done on the show are just really cool. You see some shows and the kids have built or done something that's out of their league and you just don't buy it because they're kids and adults could barely manage it, so the show does the smart thing and turns it up to eleven. They stop being kids then and start being their own characters, so they aren't just kids building something that you don't buy, it's Phineas and Ferb building something that's impossible! Perry the Platypus and Dr. Doofenschmirtz are hilarious as well, I honestly can't think of a single episode in which I didn't like what they got up to. Unfortunately, the show has a fairly big flaw: Candace.

Candace is the older sister and she's obsessed with proving to her mother that Phineas and Ferb do all the amazing things they do. On paper it's not a bad idea but the execution just... I don't like it. Ashley Tisdale is absolutely grating in the role, and I just never found her shtick funny. She gets hurt and humiliated in her pursuit, and she does this not because she thinks her brothers are endangering themselves and others but because she's jealous and spiteful. I realize that Phinease and Ferb's stories need some kind of conflict, and since the boys don't have any someone needs to be in conflict from their actions but it just doesn't work that well. Obviously, it works well enough because it made my top 10 list, but it could have been higher than it wound of being. Also, Vanessa is... so great. Love her voice.

8. Spongebob Squarepants

Synopsis: a plucky yellow sponge has wacky misadventures in the undersea city of Bikini Bottom along with his friends.

How the hell can I place Spongebob Squarepants on this list? Futurama didn't even make it but this did!? Okay, this is a bit of a cop-out because I'm actually only really considering the first three seasons for this list. When mentioning Family Guy I did say the later seasons dragged it down, but the thing is I actually don't mind Spongebob's post movie seasons. Some great episodes have been in them and at worst they're mildly annoying. I was also about seven when the show first aired so I have a lot of positive nostalgic feelings for the first few seasons, and they hold up. Make no mistake, the first few seasons of Spongebob Squarepants are some of the most amusing cartoon episodes ever. It helps that back then the characters were all done well and none were annoying or overly mean. The gags were smart and only get better as I get older. It's sad that the show has been going downhill for the last decade or so but there is a reason why it got so popular in the first place and definitely earned it's spot here.

7. The Avenger's: Earth's Mightiest Heroes

Synopsis: after a mass breakout of super villains from four S.H.I.E.L.D. high security prisons, five superheroes join forces to recapture them, adding new members to their ranks over time and facing ever deadlier threats.

The only reason EMH is this low on my list is because the second season is... not so good. I'll maintain the first season is one of the greatest ever but it just really didn't do well in its second, despite the fact that there are really good episodes in that season. It's honestly difficult to find anything to say about this show because it's mainly the writing I really liked. The animation is excellent, but apart from that it's just how they wrote the characters, the story lines and all that. It's really well done and I like the characters, they all feel like real people with their own strengths and weaknesses having to learn how to work together for a great goal. They have varying goals throughout the show while not forgetting who's actually manipulating events behind the scenes so it's a bit episodic but has continuity. It's a really great superhero show that only gets beat out by one other.

6. Justice League (and Justice League: Unlimited)

Synopsis: seven heroes join forces in order to face threats and foes... uh... it's hard to summarize this actually, kind of like the one above I guess.

So yeah, Justice League is a better version of the EMH cartoon. I mean, it has Batman! Batman actually accounts for a ton of my fondness for this show because I absolutely love Batman, specifically this Batman, the DCAU Batman. But the characters in this show are done slightly better than in EMH and feel more like they struggle with the weight of their responsibilities, which is not really a concern in Marvel. The show has humor, but it tackles things in a less light-hearted manner as well, which normally wouldn't be something I like but it finds the balance between taking things seriously but also recognizing that the things happening are really cool. I actually like Unlimited a little more than the first two seasons because of the increased focus on additional characters and not every episode has to be a two parter. Some of the original episodes felt a little long and unnecessary so I felt the shorter amount of time for a story helped things a bit. Still, I think this is about the best superhero cartoon ever made.

Slight tangent, Teen Titans also sort of fits in here as well, for a lot of the same reasons, but it lacks Batman so I felt obligated to name the one with Batman in it. Still, Teen Titans is fantastic and I wish I could talk about it more but I gotta move on.

5. Ed, Edd n Eddy

Synopsis: three friends design and build scams to trick their neighbors out of their allowances so they can buy jawbreakers at the candy store, but inevitably fail to do so in hilarious ways.

When I think of a cartoon that has made me laugh a lot and is crazy imaginative, I wouldn't have guessed I'd go with this one. But I am. Ed, Edd n Eddy is hysterical. It's good ole slapstick, it's witty, and mean-spirited and loud and dumb and just great. The three main characters bounce off each other so well, and it's really a marvel that they got us to root for these three to both succeed and fail. You want them to get jawbreakers because of everything they go through, and you also want them to fail because it's funny and they deserve it for trying to scam the neighborhood kids. The animation is unique and some of the character designs are super weird and yet it's all very endearing and works, and the sound work is phenomenal. If you really pay attention to the background noises, you'll notice all the work put into it with not only music matching what's going on but sound effects playing at appropriate moments to underscore the comedy on screen. It can get overly mean sometimes, especially when two of the three protagonists get brutally punished for things they had no part in, but most of the time it's just funny. I enjoyed most of the Cartoon Cartoons but Ed, Edd n Eddy was the only one to really stick with me.

4. Dreamwork's Dragons: Riders of Berk (and subsequent seasons)

Synopsis: after proving that vikings and dragons can coexist peacefully, a young viking and his friends must find ways of making it work when problems arise as well as fending off external and internal threats to their home and their dragons.

This is the one entry that I feel comes close to cheating my fondness for it isn't rooted entirely in the show but in its accompanying movies, but screw it. Dragons is a really great show, first on Cartoon Network for two seasons and then streaming on Netflix for the remaining seasons. What helps this show is that it looks and sound very similar to the movies, with most of the main cast reprising their roles from the film (which is very important for Hiccup in particular since it'd be hard to find someone who sounds that similar to Jay Baruchel) and it expands the world of the films. We see new dragons, explore new places, meet new people, both allies and enemies, but most important we get to see the bonds between the riders, their dragons and each other. It's quite well written, few of the characters get annoying and they work off each other well, far better than they do in the movies. Hiccup and Toothless are always great but you also see how Astrid and Stormfly connect, the affectionate relationship Fish Legs has with Meatlug, the antagonistic yet strong bond between Snotlout and Hookfang. Also the twins and their rather dopey two headed dragon. There are story lines that continues through episodes, it's not entirely episodic but there are some self-contained episodes and even some of the ones that further the plot mostly tell their own story,.The dragons themselves are quite unusual, though whether it's inspired by the books or the movies or if they just got to design new ones I don't know, but they diverge from what you'd think a dragon would look like. It helps you believe that dragons are their own kind of group of animals, like a category separate from mammals, birds, reptiles and the like. There's a lot of heart in the show, which is good because that's one of the best things about the movies and it really feels like it's part of them, that they all go together in ways that most movies and cartoon series don't.

3. The Legend of Korra

Synopsis: after Avatar Aang stopped the Hundred Year War and lived his life, we follow his successor Korra as she tries to fulfill her role as the Avatar in a new and rapidly changing world.

The Legend of Korra has a messy history, but the short version is that season one was going to be the only one, but then two was commissioned by Nickelodeon and after that an additional two seasons were commissioned so there's not one continuous story here and there are plenty of pacing problems. Despite that, TLoK is a fantastic show with stunning animation, incredible music and a protagonist that I love and some others kinda don't. It's difficult to talk about this show though since a lot of what I would say applies to it's prequel series which I'm not talking about here. So if I don't elaborate or seem vague, it's because I'm saving it.

The Legend of Korra fleshes out the world of benders, showing us a new time period reminiscent of the 1920s but in their world, in a city that's entirely new for them. This brings up new issues and innovations that didn't exist before, and it's exciting to see how the world's developed. Bending has new uses, not just fighting but a lot of recreation and utility, but it's competing with technology that comes close to one-upping what benders can do. Non-benders find themselves discriminated against, there's gang activity, and the politics are different in peacetime decades after a major war. It's really interesting and the way Korra approaches problems is not the most effective way (she probably would have done better in the Hundred Year War, or at least been more comfortable). Though each season is different, Korra constantly changes and grows as a person, by the end she's matured and become more effective in her role as the avatar without actually changing who she is as a person.

The supporting cast is... iffy though, with Tenzin and Lin Beifong being exceptional characters, while Mako and Bolin, half of the new Team Avatar, are kind of duds, the former being too broody and uptight and the latter way too immature and obnoxious (Asami falls in the middle, not a bad character in the least but receiving far too little screen time compared to the other main characters). The villains also vary in quality, with the Red Lotus being some of the best villains on television, to Amon and Kuvira who have high points but get hurt when their motivations are explored and then there's Unalaq, the worst villain in the franchise. The pacing problems hinder the show at times, especially in the second season where it seems like they had to rush the story, trying to tie it in with the first season and having to start getting ready for the next two as well in a short time frame. Despite the problems though, The Legend of Korra is one of my all time favorite shows, the only one I own entirely on Blu-ray, and I'd happily recommend it to anyone. I have also talked about it on this blog before, so by all means look at my previous posts if you'd like to see more of my thoughts on it.

2. Steven Universe

Synopsis: a young boy learn to control magic powers he inherited from his mother to help his friends/guardians protect the Earth.

I thought I would hate this show. The promos on Cartoon Network were awful when it was new. Steven looked like the most annoying kid ever and I couldn't really tell what it was supposed to be about. It took a review of cartoons (the Mysterious Mr. Enter) to highlight one of the episodes and explain why it was good to make me check it out, and I fell in love with it. Steven Universe is possibly the most upbeat and positive show ever, perhaps only outdone by Phineas and Ferb, but it hides a surprisingly dark backstory within it's pastel colors. I won't spoil anything here though, it deserves to be watched fresh and pure. The first half of season one is a bit on the slow side but if you keep with it you'll see that it's a show with so much to offer. It's got a lot of lore to go through that gets told in the background and very slowly, but it makes it for the slow pace by getting us acquainted with the characters. Steven is the focal point and he's not hard to figure out, but as the show goes on the events he goes through impact him, and you see over time he does mature. He's still a kid and is a bit goofy, and he even manages to maintain a childlike innocence and naivety, but he understands the importance of things and the situation he and the other gems are in.

The slow build is important for us to connect with the other gems too; Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. Garnet is the leader, mainly because she keeps a cool head and efficiently deals with problems and over time we see that though originally she was kind of distant and mysterious she loves Steven dearly and respects him as a member of the team. Amethyst is the second youngest of the group and it takes a while before we really find out what makes her tick, but she's always game to try new things and is the most likely to joke around with Steven. Pearl is the most motherly of the three, she treats Steven like her own child and worries the most about him, and as the show goes on we see she's not as well kept together as she presents herself to be.

The show originally was more slice-of-life kind of show where Steven would accompany the gems on a mission to poof a monster or retrieve something, or he would spend time with human characters and try helping them out. As events happen and backstory is revealed though, it becomes more plot oriented with things happening that directly tie into future episodes, and even past episodes become relevant again. There's a deep and sad story that we still don't fully understand even going into the fourth season, but through all of it Steven Universe is ultimately a positive show that's about healing and moving on from trauma and finding the good in other people and in life.

There are a few problems though, one is Ronaldo, a love-him or hate-him character and I fall in the latter camp. He's a conspiracy theorist who doesn't really care about how he affects other people, so he's just kind of a jerk in addition to being a conspiracy theorist so there's not a lot of reason to like him. Another is Lars, a character who often has to learn to be less of a jerk himself, but never seems to remember that. He's obsessed with how others perceive him and desires to be cool, to the point where he wants to be friends with "the cool kids" not because he likes them or anything but because they are "cool". A major problem though, and it has nothing to do with how the show is made, is the airing schedule. There are times where months go by without any new episodes, only for Cartoon Network to air a week of new episodes, and then follow it up for a bit and then no new episodes for several more months. The worst was summer 2016, where May had five new episodes through the month, a promise of a Summer of Steven, and the nothing through most of June and July before late July and early August aired almost all of season three in three or four weeks.

Seriously, Steven Universe is the best show currently running now and it needs to be watched. It tackles issues that most other cartoons wouldn't touch like they were nothing too tough to handle, including homosexual relationships, abusive and toxic relationships, trauma, consent, and other things that I'm just forgetting. I haven't even mentioned the incredible music in the show, that's how good the show is that it took this long for me to say anything about that! It's a wonderful show and I can't wait to see where it goes.

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender

Synopsis: after being freed from an iceberg, a young Air Nomad must learn to master all four elements in order to restore balance to the world and embrace his destiny as the Avatar.

I might have given this away with my third pick but regardless, Avatar: The Last Airbender is the greatest show of all time. I'm struggling to think of what to even say at this point, I think it's self-evident. The animation is amazing, especially since it's nearly a decade old at this point, the music is so great and fitting, the characters are all well written and performed, the world is fascinating and mystical but still feels like it could be real. Bending is absolutely amazing, it's not magic that you just use incantations and stuff happens or some kind of technology/object that you learn to use, it's a physical art that has mystical effects! It's an art you have to master physically, and could actually learn the moves for in real life, but still is fantastic (as in fantasy). We get to see this world in the midst of a century of fighting, the aggressors are a terrifying force of fire and bigotry and the defenders are worn down after so much conflict for so long. It's a world that desperately needs a hero and watching the goofy kid become that hero is one of the greatest adventures I've ever seen.

I'm probably going to spoil things for this series, because although it'd be better to see it unspoiled, it's old enough that you ought to have by now, so fair warning now if you want to watch spoiler-free.

This show comes about as close to perfect as anything can get in my books. I can't think of a single character that I thought was bad, and even the weakest episodes of this series are better than any episode of other cartoons. Aang's development as a character is marvelous. He doesn't lose his core but he grows up, starting off as a goofy kid afraid of his destiny into a mature, kind and gentle person who will do what it takes to bring balance to the world, but in the way he chooses. The other main characters develop well too, especially Prince Zuko who makes the most radical change from an angry, misguided teenager obsessed with reclaiming his honor to a man at peace with himself who realizes he is on the wrong side and strikes out alone to help the one person who can bring balance and in doing so, finds his honor. He is easily the most interesting character on the show, but that's underselling the others, all of whom are a joy to watch as well, Katara is motherly but hides a deep pain and ferocious anger, Sokka is sarcastic and intelligent but feels inferior to everyone else because he's not as physically capable thanks to a lack of bending, and Toph is a blind earthbender who learned to see with her feet and is potentially the most awesome, bad ass character ever created (hyperbole? perhaps). I didn't even mention Iroh, Zuko's wise uncle who has a dark past but is the nicest character in the show, Azula, Zuko's crazy sistes who's a firebending prodigy and scarily intelligent, Suki, Sokka's love interest and surprisingly capable in many situations even after you know how cool she is, and so many others!

I have to mention the finale to this show by the way. It's the best culmination to a show I have ever seen, everything comes together in a two hour experience that brings almost all the plot lines and character development to a conclusion, gives everyone something important to do and features the best work done by the animators, musicians and actors. Zuko's duel with Azula deserves special mention, it's hauntingly beautiful as two siblings who have such a complicated and antagonistic relationship come to blows, and it's just sad that it's come to this, but epic in the way you know it was destined to happen. And of course there's Aang's fight with Fire Lord Ozai, a fight that's been building up since day one and it delivers, the tensions rises almost continually and only when it's finally over can you relax, and realize how much you were into it.

I could ramble on an on about this show, but I'll stop it here. Avatar: The Last Airbender is my favorite cartoon, my favorite show, of all time. It's actually difficult to think of anything else I love as much as this series, maybe the Legend of Zelda games or Jurassic Park movies, I don't even love the Harry Potter books as much as I love Avatar. I can't conceive of any show that could dethrone this one, not even Steven Universe has come close. Not even the creators of this show doing another show in this universe got close! I could watch this show anytime, any episode, and be happy. Obviously, if you haven't seen it already, I urge you to seek it out.



That's my top 10 favorite cartoons list. If I didn't mention a series or you have a specific question I didn't answer, leave a comment asking me about it and I'll either address it directly or do a follow up post or something. Thanks for reading.

-Subtle

Thoughts on Sword Art Online

I recently watched Sword Art Online for the first time and I was surprised just how much I loved it. For the first fourteen episodes anyway, after that it kind of becomes a mess. The premise: 10,000 people get trapped in a virtual reality MMORPG and must beat the game to escape. The catch is that if they die in the game, their VR equipment will kill them in real life, so it's a race against time while their bodies waste away to try to beat the game and get out. Well, they get put on life support but one would assume that if they didn't get at some point they would have just died anyway.

Our main hero is Kirito, a teenager who beta-tested the game and has come back for the full version. He knows how the game works and becomes a hardcore solo player, taking on challenges on his own when most people join a guild and work together. He has good reason for working on his own, a lot of players don't like the beta-testers from a combination of envy and fear. We don't know what the beta-testers did as a whole in the game, but a lot of new players end up blaming them for the deaths of other players, saying they didn't do enough to help in the early days. Kirito gets labelled as both a beta-tester and a cheater (beater) which gets him loathed by some.

I'll just jump into what made me really enjoy this show. The romance, which is the most surprising to me because I'm not one to generally enjoy romantic media. It works here though, we see how Kirito and his beloved Asuna come together, from their first meeting to their work relationship which leads to a more intimate relationship that turns into love. I believed that their transformation from an argumentative pair to a couple willing to die for each other was genuine, it felt natural and right. I wanted them to survive and escape because of what they meant to each other, and it made sense they would grow such a bond because of the chaotic and intense lifestyle they lived inside the game world.

The reason I titled this thoughts instead of a review is because I really don't want to touch on much of the other stuff from the first half of the season. The side characters are cool, though disappointingly a lot of them only appear once and the ones who reappear don't tend to stick around too long. For instance a guy named Klein bonded with Kirito before they found out they were trapped and they seem to have a sort of 'best friend' style relationship but they hardly interact and they didn't know each other before hand. It's kind of weird, and there isn't really any resolution or development.

The game world looks cool and it was interesting to see how many people just sort of stopped trying to beat the game and started building lives in it. For some reason people could run shops, I would have figured players wouldn't have that option and it would be NPC only, but I guess it was a more advanced game system that allowed for it or something. The first half has a lot of focus on the game, the rules and really makes it feel like a game world they are in. That's one of the things the second half doesn't do.

Spoilers from here on.




In the second half, after Kirito defeats the game maker and releases the 6000 surviving players, he finds out in the real world that 300 are still trapped somehow, even though SAO was deleted. Asuna is among them, and even worse, her father has allowed a man she detests to marry her in her current state. She of course can't say no, and this man, Suguo, is the one responsible for her continued captivity. He's experimenting on the other minds for some sort of reason I don't remember, but he has Asuna trapped in another game using the SAO data called Alfheim Online.

Kirito, or Kazuto since that's his real name, finds out she's trapped there after seeing an in-game photo taken by other players, so he once again heads in to Virtual Reality to rescue Asuna. This is where things stop being so great. First off, Alfheim Online feels much less like a game world because they don't spend a lot of time on game mechanics. There are few fights, and there are new powers that don't seem to function like game mechanics more like your average fantasy powers. It's more fantasy feeling than game feeling is what I'm getting at.

Second, Kazuto's sister Suguha is introduced for the first time in this half of the season. She's discovered since Kazuto came back that she loves him. I've been assuming it's a romantic love and I'm not really sure how that would be looked upon in Japan but I found it kind of... off putting. She feels jealous of Asuna, as Kazuto goes to visit her unconscious body in the hospital regularly. When he was in SAO, Suguha got curious after her anger subsided about what her brother even liked these games and so she started playing Alfheim Online. Wanna guess who ends up being Kirito's helped in the game? They don't know up until the last couple of episodes that they've been playing together so Suguha mostly just gets to be sad when they realize it.

Anyway, the game world in this game is divided into seven fairy races, with the ultimate goal of each race to get to the top of the world tree where rumor has it the first race to make will become a super fairy and be able to fly forever, instead of the ten minutes or so they got now. Asuna is also up there, so Kirito just pretty much goes straight there, making a few allies along the way, and yeah he eventually gets to her. Asuna doesn't get to do much except be a captured damsel in distress and get molested (and nearly raped), which is a big slap to the face after her performance in the first half. Her fiance is a pretty terrible character, both morally and as a character. He's one dimensional, and there's nothing interesting about him. He's just disturbing and a sociopath.

There are other things I could talk about or go into more detail over but I guess now's as good a time to stop as any. The last episode is pretty good all things considered, it feels like a wrap-up to the first half more than the second, most of the characters in it were from the first half not the second, and it showed that Kazuto and Asuna would be able to be together in the real world. I haven't seen SAOII yet because Netflix only has it in Japanese and I'd like to watch it in English, hopefully it is up to the quality of the first half.

The Sword Art Online episodes make it into the top of my favorite anime list, but the Alfheim Online episodes drag the whole package down a bit. I don't know if I'd recommend skipping episodes 15-25 altogether but if you don't really want to watch all the episodes 1-14 and 26 are what I personally enjoyed very much.

-Subtle

Least Favorite Pokemon by Type

With every Yin there must also be a Yang. With every rose there must be the thorn. And with every cliche opening there must be acknowledgement of it's status as such. So yeah, I'm going to go through the types and pinpoint exactly which of the hundreds of creatures are the worst in Pokemon. Let's just jump right in.

Bug - Wormadam

Alright, starting off the list we have Wormadam as the worst bug type Pokemon. I'll be honest, looking at the list of bug types I realized that I don't actually have any particularly strong negative feelings toward a single one. Even Weedle and Metapod, two of the most frustrating from the first gen, I have nostalgia for and can't bring myself to dislike. Wormadam ends up here mainly for its stupid gimmick. Basically, wherever its' former stage evolves decides what secondary typing it will have between grass, ground and steel. Combine that with a lackluster movepool in gen 4 and just an unappealing look and I just don't care anything for it. You know what doesn't help? It's just the female evolution, the male evolution, Mothim, looks cooler and becomes bug/flying (admittedly not an original typing) which to me just works better. I don't know, I don't really hate it but there are far better bug types to use.

Dark - Skuntank

Similar problem to the last type, I don't really hate any dark types. They're all pretty cool. But Stunky and Skuntank just are unpleasant looking Pokemon. I mean, they're skunks, and no one wants to get into a close encounter with one of them. Stunky and least has some pretense of being small and cute-ish, but Skuntank is just a big unpleasant looking skunk and I just don't want much to do with it. I guess there's not much more to say.

Dragon - Kingdra

Oh hey, a Pokemon I legitimately dislike! I'll admit, this choice comes from purely how much Kingdra irked me as a kid playing Gold and Silver. The last gym leader Claire had this freaking thing on her team and none of my Pokemon could take it down without getting wrecked. Electric attack? Nope, second type removes super effectiveness. Grass? Same thing. Ice? Nope! Dragon? Get taken down before getting an attack in. So so so so so frustrating! Granted, I would be more forgiving if it was easier for me to get as a kid, but it's another Pokemon you have to trade to get! It doesn't even look that cool. I think that evolutionary line nailed it with Seadra but Kingdra just looks weird.

The runner up was Druddigon by the way. It barely missed out on this pick because it's pure Dragon which makes it more manageable, but it's still a pain when you encounter one in the wild. Not to mention it just looks ridiculous.

Electric - Electrode

I'm a little surprised at how many electric types I dislike. Obviously there's the Pika-clones including Pichu, but we gotta go back to the original generation to find the worst of the batch. Magnemite and Magneton got steel typing which helped them out considerably, but Voltorb and Electrode have not improved in any way since the original games. They're practically useless, just balls that look like pokeballs and explode! That is the worst, there is no use for a Pokemon whose main gimmick is suicide. Electrode is only worse than Voltorb by a small margin, mainly because it just reversed the colors and smirks at you. Just terrible design, both visually and gameplay-wise.

Fairy - Spritzee/Aromatisse/Swirlix/Slurpuff

This is kind of a cop-out, but Fairy type is new and I don't really have anything against the pre-existing Pokemon who got it added to them. It's not like fairy typing made them worse. But the new Pokemon with the type they introduced just don't do anything for me, and these four represent a couple of things I don't like. They are newcomers in the trend of Pokemon you gotta trade to make evolve, and I really despise that method of evolution. It doesn't make any sense to me why a Pokemon would get more powerful from being abandoned by its trainer (holding an item or not) and handed off to a new person. Anyway, not one of them looks good either. And I'm not saying that because they look cutesy or whatever they're bad. I mean even if you argue they're supposed to be cute THEY ARE UGLY! Every single one just looks terrible. I can't even think about them anymore.

Fighting - Tyrogue

This little twerp is frustrating to deal with. Tyrogue evolves into one of three Pokemon: Hitmonchan, Hitmonlee and Hitmontop. It's evolution depends on its stats, which means you gotta manipulate those in order to get the Pokemon you want. The first two aren't hard, you just got to get one stat over another, but Hitmontop is the hardest to get because two stats have to be equal when it evolves. So screw Tyrogue and the Hitmons, I'll take my Blaziken and be on my way. Plus, Tyrogue just doesn't have an appealing look.

Fire - Torkoal

I was tempted to just skip over this type but I'll be fair. There are a couple of Fire types I'm not very fond of but Torkoal is by far the least interesting. I think most of my beef with it comes from the fact it has no evolutions. There are lots of ways to make an interesting fire tortoise line but apparently they thought they struck gold with this one and didn't do anything else. It's slow, mostly defensive which doesn't gel with my desire to offensively burn the world around me and Flannery's could be a pain to get through with a Grovyle starter so yeah, this is the lamest fire type and it can only be saved by some new evolved forms.

Flying - Farfetch'd

There are plenty of flying types I'm not particularly fond of, but Farfetch'd is the worst simply because it is useless. It is weak, the only unique thing about it is a held item which barely does anything for it and worst of all they made it rare so getting one is a hassle if you're a completionist. There's no other reason to have it and in the first generation you could only get one with a stupid nickname. There are no redeeming qualities here, moving on.

Ghost - Gourgeist

I'll be honest, I had trouble choosing any Pokemon for this category. I just don't dislike any ghost type apparently. I can't even remember one that gave me trouble that I don't also have nostalgia for. So in order to be fair I chose Gourgeist because it's one of those trade to evolve mons and Trevenant can be found in the wild while Gourgeist can't so it comes on here because that's the fairest I can be here.

Grass - Cherrim

There were a lot of contenders for this category. Maractus, Foongus/Amoongus, Quilladin, Tangela, etc. But Cherrim has the distinction of being the worst Grass type because you don't even get to see it most of the time! 99% of your exposure to it will be with it withdrawn into it's petals covered up like a doof. It only reveals its true form when exposed to sunlight, which means you gotta have sunny day on hand or you will never see it. It's not like it's a powerhouse or even particularly good in battle anyway, so there's literally no real reason to use it over any other grass type.

Ground - Diggersby

Gastrodon was going to be the choice for this (mainly for it's appearance gimmick and unpleasant design) but then I remembered this ugly bugger and knew there could be no real contest. Bunnelby is cute enough but Diggersby is awful. It's like they realized Lopunny looked a little too good so they need to balance it out by having an ugly rabbit to go along with it. As com mons go, it's not the worst but it's nearly there. The last three gens have struggled making these guys appealing and this was just a bad try.

Ice - Cryogonal

No, I don't have a problem with the ice cream Pokemon. They have a distinctive design and look more or less cute and I can see the appeal. Cryogonal is just a mess. It's a snowflake that I can't even tell if it has a face or not and it's another one of the no evolution mons so there's no chance for a better form. It's a pure ice type so you'd be better off with something that has a dual type or can just learn ice type attacks, pretty any other ice type would be preferable than this anyway. I just can't believe what a disaster this Pokemon is.

Normal- BIDOOF

I don't even need to look at a list of Normal types to know that Bidoof is the single greatest mistake in Pokemon history. It looks like a stupid little beaver and it's cringe-worthy how un-cute it manages to look. Not to mention you couldn't go five steps in Diamond/Pearl without finding one! Words can't do this justice, I hate Bidoof so much.

Poison - Swalot

Another in this long list of awfully designed Pokemon, Gulpin at least managed to be small and round so it has a bit of a break. Swalot is just this huge blob and it has a silly mustache that just doesn't go with the rest of it. Not to mention it has this weird move gimmick of swallowing stuff to either restore health or spit it up at an opponent. No thanks, this is just too much ick for me to deal with.

Psychic - Unown

If only I could list more Pokemon, there are plenty of bad Psychic types I'd love to complain about but I'd be here for a while and I still have other categories to get to. Unown is infamous even among gimmick Pokemon so chances are you know why this one sucks. Nearly 30 varieties based on the alphabet and punctuation but completely useless. It only learns one move that does barely anything. Novel at the time they first showed up but quickly proved to be uninteresting and they've just never made any progress on making them worthwhile.

Rock - Graveler

Unpleasant design. Right out of the gate, I think it looks terrible. Geodude and Golem both have solid designs, even if Geodude is silly. Graveler is the awkward puberty stage that you burn all the pictures of and pretend never happened. Yeah that is shallow and I don't really mean it as harshly as I'm saying it. But Graveller is terrible because of a certain combination. Namely the ability Sturdy and the move Self Destruct. For crying out loud! X and Y filled Victory Road with these fuckers and grinding in there was almost impossible as a result. How are you supposed to grind when every time a Graveler shows up, survives your attack that should have KO'd it in one hit and then blows itself up anyway? It's the Electrode problem again, but made worse! By far one of the most irritating Pokemon in the wild.

Steel - Bronzong

Probopass nearly made this one for being a terrible looking Pokemon, but Bronzong has the distinction due to Gen 4. In D/P fire types were scarce, so Bronzong, being Steel/Psychic had very little to be afraid of, each type cancelling nearly everything else out. And while this wouldn't have been too big a problem normally, it seemed like they were freaking everywhere! Running into it so often made it quite a frustrating part of that gen, and for that it holds this dubious position as the worst steel type Pokemon.

Water - Luvdisc

Luvdisc is a useless Pokemon. There is no reason to use it. It's weak, performing terribly in all stats. It doesn't evolve or learn any particularly great moves that other Pokemon can't. The only reason to catch on is for it's held item, a heart scale which can be used for something, learning moves I think. Similarly, Alomomola is a runner up for similar reasons, but it at least looks a little more impressive than Luvdisc. It's the nadir of water types and quite possibly the worst Pokemon in the games.



So that ends my list of least favorite Pokemon by type. I thought this might be difficult but honestly most of these choices were easy to make.

Going by Gens, Gen 1 has 3 Pokemon on this list, Gen 2 has 3, Gen 3 has 3, Gen 4 has 5, Gen 5 has 1, and Gen 6 has 3. Surprisingly it's pretty even for the most part, with Gen 4 having a couple more and Gen 5 having only one. I guess it goes to show that each gen has for the most part introduced some stinkers. I mostly dislike unappealing designs coupled with bad movepools or lack of evolutions, and gimmicks. Also trade evolution.

I know my way isn't the usual metric by which Pokemon are judged and I'm curious to see if I've listed and really well-liked Pokemon and if I may have overlooked others that can be worse.

-Subtle